I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
