You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
