did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
