I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
