I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
