why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
