8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
