I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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