I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
