listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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