Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
