No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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