So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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