Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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