haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
