apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
