yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
