I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
