Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
