I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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