somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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