My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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