So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
