New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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