I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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