They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize