if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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