moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
