my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
