Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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