"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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