Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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