I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
