Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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