I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I have aggressive nipples.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
