you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize