he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
