Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Two words: blizzard sex
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
