I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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