the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
