Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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