you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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