I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
