i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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