I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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