he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I think I just sharted jello shots
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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