I'm gonna have a badass scar
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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