were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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