the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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