Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
