your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
What drink are we having for lunch?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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