Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
dude i'm inner monologue high
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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