If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
