he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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