omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
