I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
