To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
