dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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