he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
