Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
