i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
