Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
