Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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