She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
