Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
