I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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