Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
