WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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