His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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