i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
me + whiskey = a bad person
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
