They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
