she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
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