I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
3 2 1 whiskey
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
