Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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