"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
