My room smells like vodka and shame
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
